Gigs

Balancing the Meds, the everyday stresses and strains, a new year and trying to make your World work better for you.

Depression, Health, Mental Health, Music, Nature, Photography, Travel, Uncategorized

Well here we are in 2022, and what a strange messed up year 2021 was, it started with the same high hopes we have now for the upcoming year, the hope that Covid is reducing in strength and severity, and that we will soon be able to get back to a more normal or familiar way of living.

Once again we all have had to continue to embrace a lot of changes with more Lockdowns here in Ireland and many other countries, Working From Home becoming more the norm than the exception, everyones schedules being thrown off track, whether you are an adult or a child. schools reopening and closing again, and of course the newer variants affecting kids more for the first time. So a lot to cope with for everyone. Keeping life balance along with mental health has been even more difficult over the course of 2021. One thing is for sure I am not the only person to get to a stage where it all became too difficult to deal with. Glad that I didn’t continue to dig don deeper into the hole this time and bury my head, In August 2021 I took a big and important step and decided to seek some professional help rather then just try and fix it myself, and that was a wise move. Life’s stresses and strains, the loss of my mother (which if being perfectly honest I probably haven’t grieved properly for ye) and all of the stuff that comes with that, depression takes it’s grip, so I went to a Doctor and started working on it.

After trying some different things we decided to try medication, and personally it seems to be the path that makes sense for me, everyone is different and how it affects you and the type of person you are will have a lot to do with what is best for you. So now I’m taking two slow release medications, one for the Epilepsy and the other for Depression, the one good thing is that having taken medication for many years and adding to that with the heart meds, nothing is a surprise, just like the Epilepsy meds it’s all about finding the balance that works for you with regards the amount of mediation needed to help and make sure it works without causing any issues. Still working through that but there is no doubt that it has helped me significantly, I’m not there yet, but on a new dosage the last couple of weeks and it should be taking affect now. All I would say is listen to the experts, take the time out of work or whatever that you need to, don’t rush it or you will end up back to square one and that won’t help at all. Besides it does take time to find the right dosage for you, so keep working at it with the doctor/s and keep talking about it. Other things you may need to thing about are changing things in life that are not helping you to keep ahead of things, of course some changes will be more difficult, the younger you are and depending on circumstances , it may not be possible to change working, reduce hours etc, but if it would mean helping your mental health, you need to check out all the options, it’s of no benefit to anyone for you to be out for months anyway.

But the most important thing, if it’s all getting too much for you, go talk to someone, a friend, family, a GP or more specialised Professional, talking about these things isn’t as difficult as it seems when you go and do it.

So balancing everything out is very important, of course things can be a little more difficult when people can’t do their hobbies/pastimes that help people to relax. Personally I’m looking forward to 2022, admittedly with some trepidation as it didn’t work out so well in 2021, but hoping that we will get back to living our lives, or whatever the new norm is this coming year. The Music Industry has been hit so had over the last couple of years,, for everyone that works in it, fingers well and truly crossed that I get to see and shoot some shows this year, it’s a much needed outlet for a lot of people and has been sorely missed. One manage to get to one event in 2021, the This Is Not An Uprising weekend, and it was brilliant to see a couple of friends and safely attend a show, but it’s not happening over here at the moment and more Tours are being rescheduled every week (have never had/seen so many Gig Clashes before, caused generally by everything being rescheduled multiple times and ending up on the same nights) if things get back on track quickly this coming year will be crazy for Gigs everywhere.

Getting out for walks is still very important, so need to get back to walking properly now, has been a bit sporadic the last couple of months while trying to sort things out, but walking is good for the mind, listening to audio books, spending time in parks or gardens for some nice nature to change things up a bit, nice to have a different bit of scenery to the same Roads I’ve been pounding for the last couple of years. Still I managed to walk over 2,000 KM in 2021, which isn’t bad, will see how we get on this time around. Planning some more trips to the Botanic Gardens and further afield and will bring the camera along too.

Travel wise, well I’m already resigning myself to missing the first few trips of the year, but hey what can you do, when stuff gets cancelled, postponed or simply travel becomes so difficult it’s not worth taking the risk, there will be future Gigs, fingers crossed.

So wishing you all a Very Happy New Year and hoping 2022 brings us all more good stuff than 2021 did, stay safe and communicate, like the old add said, It’s Good To Talk……….

Here are some resources for Mental Health Services in Ireland, they are easy to find online these days in many countries and since Covid there are more online resources available like video course etc……..

Aware. – https://www.aware.ie/programmes/online-self-directed/

HSE – https://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/1/lho/northdublin/mentalhealth/mentalhealthsucidesupportdublinnorth.html

How do you know when the fog is lifting……

Depression, Health, Mental Health, Music, Nature, Photography, Travel, Uncategorized

It’s been a very difficult and often confusing last few months on a personal level, that Fog of Depression fell heavily and it can have some very odd effects on a person, time can just drift without you getting anything done, even the most basic tasks can be started and then disappear into space. But hey, it is what it is and with some help and trying to get the right balance of medication we will get there. with a bit of luck and continuing to try and get something done each day we will get out of the mire.

Yesterday got out for a walk with the family to a wonderful calming place that I’ve mentioned before and National Botanical Gardens in Glasnevin, Dublin is that place for me, always has been, and alongside getting out for a lovely walk I managed to bring along the camera and take some photos, so a productive day, and with nature providing us with some beautiful colour at this time of year it’s a nice time to get out there.

My son bumped into some squirrel friends and a few ducks along the way and I don’t think we’ve ever managed to get so close to Heron’s and a Moorhen that hangs around in one of the Ponds, these are all things out in the fresh air that manage to clear the head a little and help you to feel a little more like yourself, I think I’ll get up early one morning next week and get down for a few hours. The little guy doesn’t normally take much notice of the wildlife around the Gardens, but he had a good laugh with one of the squirrels yesterday which was nice to see, and then he decided he wanted to get in a Mini Digger that the workers were using to clear out and area, can’t bring him anywhere 🙂

There is something though about being out in nature that changes the mind frame in a positive way. The quiet is generally only interrupted by the running of water cascading around, or birds rustling in the trees and scrabbling with ducks for some visitors scraps..

Really need to get the walking and diet back on track and alongside it the some of the other things will start to fix themselves. Sleep alongside exercise and diet make a huge difference, but when you are down in a hole it’s just so easy to fall off the rails a bit, or a lot, and not as easy to get back on track again when you do it. Wellbeing is a work in progress now, there is no doubt in my mind that the pandemic and issues that came along with it piled onto already strained mental capacity. What I would advise to anyone though is don’t just try and deal with it on your own, when you reach a point where you are no longer picking yourself up and feeling better by yourself, go talk to people, family, friends or professional, just do it, sometimes talking won’t be enough and medication will be needed to help you back up on the ladder, it’s a process and it can take some time, there’s not defining it to say you will be better in two weeks.

Currently, like many places in Europe Ireland is once again suffering from rising Covid cases, to an extent where our hospitals are again at full capacity and going forward it’s an unsustainable situation. Staff are overstretched and there’s clearly not enough of them to cover surges, illness cover for themselves or God forbid any sort of major incident that required a number of ICU beds, they simply aren’t available. So for the moment entertainment is back open, but for how long, I’m still missing gigs terribly, had to skip a couple last week, but fingers crossed will get to a small show this weekend, I know already that getting to live music helps me mentally, so if some form of events are still on I’ll try and get to them, but would definitely think again about Sold Out shows at busy venues, catching Covid isn’t something that would help at all right now. From tomorrow Thursday 18th November in Ireland Pubs/Nightclubs will have to close by Midnight, which will more than likely have a knock on effect on gigs planned for venues with Nightclubs, if a decision is made to not open the venues for Nightclubs they may also decide to stay closed, showing it’s still a very difficult time for Venues and Promoters, and of course for bands and workers in the industry. We can just hope that some sort of stability comes back soon, even though gigs are back in the UK and other countries they are far from stable, far from the way things should be and a lot of the time you don’t really know who’s on a lineup until you are there.

So far the new medication seems to be having no bad effects with the other medications I’m on, so that’s definitely a positive, the increase in strength is a balancing act much like my Epilepsy medication, so nothing I’m not used to and once it’s correct things should start to feel a lot better, fingers crossed. All we can do is keep working on these thing and look after our mental health as much as possible, it seems to be much more difficult in this day and age when it should in many ways be much easier, what a strange time we live in. But this week I’m not feeling quite so lost, let’s see if we can keep track of the days, as that’s definitely something that has fallen to the wayside recently, hours disappear into days, days into weeks and all of a sudden it’s nearly the end of 2021. Won’t be sad to see the end of another year which hasn’t brought much good to us all, but even mid November I look forward to 2022 and what it may bring, more gigs, better health and hopefully a World with a better way of dealing with the Covid crisis.

Musically, I have been to a sum total of one weekend of Live Music so far this year, with some luck 2021 will finish with me being at a few more and maybe even getting to shoot some of them, starting this weekend.

Shrapnel at This Is Not An Uprising in Firebug, Leicester.

Stay safe out there, even when you have been vaccinated you can still catch Covid, still end up in Hospital or very sick, so hand washing, wearing a facemask, whatever is in place, let’s keep on helping each other by doing it. In 2022 I’ld like to be able to travel to Gigs and Festivals again, in Northern Ireland, the rest of the UK and Europe if I can, it may not be easy. but lets be honest, life often isn’t that easy, but we get through it, so a bit more positive thinking may be in order to help us get there.At the end of the day it’s a lot more involved than just being able to travel to a venue, the festivals this year have been ravaged by losing so many US and European acts that had either made the decision not to travel this year, were unable to do so anyway, or the sheer logistics could not be figured out to make things work. Here’s hoping to an improved time for the industry as a whole, I’m looking forward to catching bands, but most importantly to catching up with friends that I’ve not been able to see in person for 2 years now. Even if that turns into 3 years, it will happen again and that will be some feeling.

Reminds me of an old political slogan…….

Health, Mental Health, Music, Nature, Uncategorized

As I mark the 1 year anniversary of my Heart Surgery it’s probably time to take stock again. Well yes it’s been one of the strangest and most difficult years we all could have had, but to try and recuperate for the majority of the year was a double edged sword. On the one hand with everyone working from home it was somewhat easier to adjust to, after all I’d already been home for a couple of months, but then again knowing that you are now imunocompromised in the whirlwind of a Global Pandemic is definitely a stress marker.

Adding to that of course my release of Gigs and Music Photography simply wasn’t available, in the first couple of months before lockdowns began, I just wasn’t either physically able or recovered enough to even think about it, doubt I’d have lasted standing for as long as a support set even. Wasn’t supposed to be doing any exercise for a couple of weeks after I got home, and I know from my own stupidity I should have been heading that advice. Of course there haven’t been any gigs here since, and I’ve gotten the camera out a bit, shooting the moon, garden birds and a trip to the Zoo, some pics littered around this post, but it’s very little for 12 months of time at my age, feels like a lot of wasted time.

So what would I say after 12 months – A Lot Done, More To Do….. once used by Bertie Ahern as a campaign slogan, but sums things up pretty well as to where I stand a year on. I have worked hard for a number of months during that time, losing weight, becoming more physically fit and altering my diet. But that is I guess only part of the story, along with the good feelings from achieving minor goals and targets, the darkness can still seep in, I would be surprised if any of us have been able to completely avoid the shadow of Depression in one for or another over the last year. For me the ups and downs have maybe been less frequent than in a normal year, but also perhaps more severe.

While initially in the first recovery stage things started to close down, so my physical Cardio Rehab was delayed for a couple of months, me rather stupidly starting exercising sooner than I should and pushing too hard too quickly., and dealing with trying to organise care for a relative things got on top of me pretty early into last year, and it’s happened a few times since, doesn’t coordinate directly with lockdowns, that’s for sure, but times of stress, going through a near death of a family member from Covid and all that entailed it makes me ponder the future alongside the present. Whether working in the position I do, or the type of work will be possible long term, I remember talking in the hospital to a couple of more experienced men on the very subject, once was back in suffering from angina (but who had been in and out of the hospital so much in the last 20 years that all the staff in a busy hospital knew him and came up to visit) and the other to have something replaced in a complex operation as overtime things had changed and both had to take early retirement and also scale back the amount/type of work they did. It’s a difficult one to think about, there’s obviously monetary issues involved, that goes without saying, but long term the viability of pushing a body that’s not as strong as it once was may mean that I need to make a decision before it makes the decision for me. Another attack could take any voluntary thoughts on it null and void.

Starling with a nut in the back Garden Dec 2020

But hey, like I say ups and downs and achieving goals has been a big lift. That family member somehow coming through the Covid virus, along with another elderly relative and a couple of friends that were seriously ill, and in reality 8 months on are still recovering. Watching my little boy, who is growing and developing all the time, but still has to work hard and we still have a long way to go, can be frustrating and very noisy, but we will all get there. If the vaccine does get out there quickly enough and spread out there widely enough maybe the 2nd half of 2021 will see some Gigs return to the calendar, when they do restart get out there and get to see your favourite bands, the shows will be amazing with the pent up energy from bands and patrons alike even if there are restrictions involved the atmosphere should be off the charts. There’s of course the slimmer possibility that we get Festivals back of travel for Gigs, at this stage I’d settle for some local stuff to get started.

For now 2021 is still 2020, the problems remain, the virus continues to cause pain and suffering, the hospitals are at full capacity, but we will see how the vaccine’s change things, if indeed they can. For me each week this month I cut out something else that brings me closer to what I should be eating again…..almost back there now, and back to getting proper exercise (do believe the hype, a good walk in fresh air – even if it’s cold is brilliant for your Mental Health), just gotta make sure the blips don’t last longer than a day and become less and less frequent. No hospital appointments until October 2021 and hopefully will be reducing the medications by 1 or two in the coming weeks…….. have managed to avoid Covid up until now, so touch wood can continue to do so until I can get vaccinated, how long that protection lasts time will tell, but one thing is for sure this Virus will be with us just like Flu or the common cold, with much more serious side affects, so people, don’t just decide everything is fixed, be diligent and stay home if you are asked to, stay safe.

Me out Walking, great exercise – Nov 2020

The bizarre to the ridiculous, 2020 just fades out in a damp fizzle….

Health, Mental Health, Music, Nature, Travel, Uncategorized

There have definitely been some worrying trends of late, here in Dublin, like many other places around Europes ( and indeed the World ) we are in the midst of another Lockdown related to Covid-19. For me that’s not a hugely different place to Level 3 restrictions here ( essebtual retail only open, stay within 5 km of home and no mixing, no pubs restaurants etc open ), with of course the exception of the 5km travel restriction. But will continue to work from home, my son is still in preschool, but that may change and my wife continues to work, but that’s well within the 5km cordon.

We have rolled rapidly through December and finally the end of a very grim year and a scary one for me personally, so going to bed at 9pm last night and just letting it just slide by seemed like the only logical thing to do. I started 2020 with a real bang, but honestly a heart attack wasn’t what I had planned for the year, and almost 12 months later I’m still not 100%. I had thought I was back to normal, but the last few days have brought some discomfort again. Think I’m just overtired and overdid things over Christmas. Back to my usual diet now, so hoping everything settles down over the weekend. Touch wood.

Hope everyone’s had as a good a Christmas as possible, and lets just hope 2021 can be a better year for us all.

We had a nice family trip to Dublin Zoo the other day, thankfully we managed to get it in before the lockdown kicked in. They had done a lot of work to get a route that reduced the chances of big build ups of people and could cause distancing problems. Most of the animals were out and about and it was nice to get out there . Here are some photos from the visit. Was a very bright winters morning.

No Resolutions this year, it’s pretty pointless at the moment lets be honest, but I do intend to continue with exercise, from very meagre beginnings in 2020 where after the operation walking 1 or 2KM was a big struggle ( I started exercising too quickly after the Op ) and caused definite pains in my chest, to eventually walking well over 1,400 KM in the year. So might set some little targets for this year and see where we get. I always walked quite a bit as I don’t drive, and haven’t cycled since I got Epilepsy ( that’s an insurance thing ). But reality is I used to walk around the City to different venues for Gigs but quite often was stopping off at a fast food place along the way, or a pub when I was still drinking.

I have a lot of issues with the way information is being disseminated from the leaders of many Govt’s, Almost telling all that the vaccine will have everyone immunised in a couple of months and ignoring the face that physically they just don’t have the capacity to do it that quickly. I have no doubt it will get there, but realism is much better than just being hopefull. Lets hope a lot will have changed by the time we hit the Summer. Still hoping that come September I will be able to make a planned trip from last year, so will keep that in the back of my mind as something to look forward to. August/September/October there is lots planned Gig/Festival wise, but what happens is anyone’s guess.

Somethings will change in the next few weeks, can remove one of the tablets from my daily intake once I hit the 1 year anniversary of the Operation, will be nice. Also it’s been great that throughout all of the ups and downs I remain another year Fit Free, the Epilepsy never reared it’s head no matter how tired I became, or whatever the effects on my body illness has made me. Another bonus was being able to visit my mother last weekend, may be the last time again for a little while but we will see if the last set of changes stay in effect and I can see her next week again. She’s done amazingly well to beat Covid, pass the 90 mark and still push on.

The last few weeks have been very difficult, I’m sure that led to losing control of the diet, so next year will be very careful with that, I know the saying “ah sure it’s Christmas, it won’t kill you”, well maybe it will, no point in working hard through the year and then letting it slip so badly when a bit of depression and a festive season hit. It’s not like I don’t understand the consequences of not following the plan. I do think that the way things have been going in and out of Lockdowns has not helped with anyone’s Mental Health, at some points it certainly looks like there is no end in sight, and that’s where you get dragged into a bit of a mental battle with yourself. Just got to try and dust yourself down and move on with things, and if you can’t perhaps it’s time to talk to a friend or a professional that can help, we all need a helping hand sometimes so never be afraid or ashamed to take it.

Still ticking along…. as the World slowly rolls too

Health, Mental Health, Music, Travel, Uncategorized

Strange, I never got around to posting this one back in June, have been a bit remiss with updates in recent months, but he in reality there hasn’t been all that much going on, in and out of lockdown…….. so here’s what I was thinking then and I’ll follow up with a new update…..

Well here we are in June 2020, and it’s a very strange, different and often quite confusing World to the one I stepped away from temporarily on the 10th of Jan……

The weirdest thing is probably that as time has gone on and different countries have eased restrictions to varying degrees the confusion has actually grown, the types of activities you can take part in mean that when travel does start to open up more next week it’s going to be confusing as hell for people travelling, expecting that they can do the same things as they can in their home country, there certainly won’t be any foreign travel for me this year, but just take it at a very basic level, if I travel to any other country, will I be expected to self quarantine for a period of time either when I get there or when I return home, well I don’t really know, most countries have been desperate to create these Travel Bridges, to allow economies to get going again, especially in countries dependent on Tourism as a main industry. The quarantine question has changed massively, initially the plan was people would have to self isolate for 2 weeks when arriving in a different country, have their stay there and then come back and do the same on the return end, so reality is a one week holiday would take 5 weeks. This currently isn’t the case anymore, But should things reverse like they have in parts of China, Germany and now perhaps South Korea it very quickly becomes unworkable. Then of course there is the problem of what will you be able to do when you arrive in another country, what is open, are masks compulsory, what is public transport like now can I get from A to B without too many problems. It really is a bit of a lottery and to me would be a pointless exercise right now.

As you may get from this Site Live Music is a massive part of my life, listening, being a part of, photographing, I miss it massively, was reminded by some people on a Festival Forum yesterday just how long it’s been since I actually attended a Gig, 185 Days, damn there have been times when I haven’t gone more than a day or two without going to something, or have gone to more than one in a day. Right now what the future holds is anyone’s guess, all we know is that for the foreseeable future there certainly won’t be any live shows in any kind of way that we will recognise, Venues/Promoters can’t make it financially viable with 20-30% capacity at a show, travel restrictions for artists & bands will more than likely make planning any Tour a nightmare, and there’s no saying that people will have any appetite to return to small sweaty venues until some form of vaccine or treatment is available. In an industry that generally works a year in advance from a planning perspective the damage, and continuing damage could be catastrophic. Hopefully Governments will finally step up and start to provide packages that will help save live venues and help to safeguard the industry as a whole. For me I’ll continue to support Artists/Promoters/Venues as much as possible, and even though I have purchased Tickets for gigs late in 2020 and moving into early 2021 I honestly doubt we will be getting back into venues this side of Christmas, that’s for sure. What does this mean, well assuming they can kick off 2021, and the situation has improved for us all, well then we can look forward to an absolutely bumper year for gigs next year, everyone will be on the Road then, trying to earn some money, and hopefully just to get out and do what they and we all love. With a bunch of postponements already announced I have a calendar next year that’s been filled rapidly. It’s bizarre and crazy, but yeah, gigs in the list for next November.

As the days go on the ups and downs perhaps become more severe, having been at home now for 6 months, pandemic, lockdown, recovery thrown in it gets a bit more difficult and depressing, It’s great to have home life and all that goes with it, but really missing gigs and friends. Nothing more to do but hope for a vaccine, remedy or working treatment. Hoping people will just do as they are asked I think is a lost cause. The people that have been following the rules to date will continue to do so, but sadly there’s always going to be a core of people that either don’t believe the problem is real or continue to believe that it just won’t affect them so the cases will go back up at some point.

Lets hope for a break in this and a change for the better.